CCSF Newsletter November 2022

Your ordinary acts of love and hope point to the extraordinary promise that every human life is of inestimable value.

Desmond Tutu

Dear Friends,

In this season of giving thanks, we at CCSF are grateful for all those who work to keep others safe: those in the domestic violence field, those in the military, the police and firefighters, and the list goes on. To those who bravely call out abusers and work diligently in a myriad of ways to keep individuals and families safe, we are so thankful for you. 

This month’s e-newsletter includes:

Book Review: Safe People 

Survival Mode?

No More Green Bean Casserole

The Other Serenity Prayer

Report on Missions Fest 2022

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stop the Abuse, Heal the Family, Change the Future



Twitter: @CCSFDV

Book Review: Safe People

Review portion courtesy of Amazon

Last month we offered a brush-up on Repairing Relationships before the Holidays. Along those same lines, we would like to remind others about Safe People, which is a classic on safe relationships.

In Safe People, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend teach us that being with an unsafe person can be damaging to our confidence, our trust in others, and even our health. The authors offer guidance for making safe choices in all our day-to-day relationships, from family and friends to colleagues and partners. We learn that we have the power to surround ourselves with accepting, honest, and safe people who draw us closer to being the person God intended us to be.

Survival Mode?

By Lani K.

The holidays are here. You think you should feel excited and joyful. But does it just feel like you’re living in survival mode? This is the reality for many of us, especially for those who are in an abusive relationship.

Life has been chaotic. You are feeling hopeless, some of you for a long, long time. Just putting one foot in front of the other seems impossible; you are exhausted and physically depleted. How does this affect your day-to-day living?

Psychologists call this “chronic stress.” A more heavy-duty term is “complex trauma,” when your very existence is at risk. What does it look like in everyday terms?

Here are some signs you are in survival mode AND what to do about it. This list is from @heybobbibanks, therapist and coach:

  • Little things can set you off and feel overwhelming
  • You feel like you are existing rather than living
  • You feel more tired physically and emotionally
  • Your memory and concentration are suffering
  • You feel a lack of motivation and passion
  • You want to withdraw and isolate from others
  • You feel out of control and anxious

The first step in changing situations that are not working for you is recognizing them. This sounds easy but it takes some of us years to realize there is something wrong, that there is a better way, or even to know there is hope for change.

  • Make lists: crossing off accomplished tasks and fulfilled obligations feels so good
  • ​Prioritize: Are some of the things on your list your expectations or the expectations of others for you?
  • Don’t be afraid to say “NO.” If it’s not on your priority list, learn how to say gracefully, but firmly, “NO”. Look for little opportunities to say NO so you get some practice in and get used to it.
  • Carve out “ME” time, even if its 10 minutes sitting in your car before you walk in the house every evening
  • Television, Facebook, and other media can sponge up your time and emotions. Take a break from them all.
  • Exercise
  • Make a list of all the good things in your life; a change of perspective can do wonders.
  • Pray

No More Green Bean Casserole

By Lani K.

Last month we talked about not starting over but starting where you are at. This holiday season may look entirely different from those in the past. Finances may be a huge issue. You may be in an apartment now after years of living in a home with a big backyard for the children. Family gatherings used to be big and boisterous, now they are small, perhaps only you and your children this year.

Holidays are emotion-laden and change is hard. Don’t try to “make it up to the family.” The stakes are just too high. But there is still reason to celebrate what you do have. This is a great time to start new traditions. String popcorn, cut out snowflakes to tape to the windows, go out and count the stars with a thermos of hot chocolate, make breakfast for dinner, don’t make the foods you never liked in the first place.

Anticipate the holidays. Have a Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C. You’ve come a long way! Now look forward!

The Other Serenity Prayer

By Eleanor Brown

God, grant me the serenity to stop beating myself for not doing things perfectly, the courage to forgive myself because I’m working on doing better, and the wisdom to know that you already love me just the way I am.

Report on Missions Fest 2022

Missions Fest this year was a great success for CCSF. Four of us were able to be at our booth Friday evening and Saturday. That gave each of us an opportunity to view other booths, talk to their representatives and attend seminars. We seem to share our materials with other vendors as much as with the public who attend MF. This year there was special interest in the Chinese language materials. And there is always a lot of interest in the Duluth teaching wheels and the Your Bill of Rights.

We hope you can attend Missions Fest next year. We’ll be there!

©2022 Christian Coalition for Safe Families

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