I know of no single formula for success. But over the years I have observed that some attributes of leadership are universal and are often about finding ways of encouraging people to combine their efforts, their talents, their insights, their enthusiasm, and their inspiration to work together.
Queen Elizabeth II, 2010, in a speech before the United Nations
Dear Friends,
At CCSF, we occasionally wonder: are any of us making a difference? Does putting an emphasis and calling out domestic violence every October make a difference? The answer is yes.
Advocates agree, attention helps the effort to end domestic violence. There is a greater recognition than ever that domestic violence is serious, pervasive, and needs a response.
Whether you are helping a family member, friend, or working in the domestic violence field, your commitment is vital and is very much making a difference! We are honored to work alongside you.
This month’s e-newsletter includes:
Book Review: When to Walk Away
Repairing a Relationship Before a Holiday Get-Together
And for Relationships Characterized by Toxicity…
Something to Think About
Reminder about Missions Fest Seattle
A Prayer
May we stay compassionate and sensitive toward those who suffer from abuse.
Stop the Abuse, Heal the Family, Change the Future
Email: ccsf.hope@gmail.com
Website: https://www.ccsfhope.org
Twitter: @CCSFDV
Book Review: When to Walk Away, Pastor Gary Thomas, bestselling author of Sacred Marriage
By Carol L.
Your life’s calling is too important to let toxic people take it away. When to Walk Away draws from biblical and modern stories, to equip you to handle toxic people in your life and live true to your God-given purpose.
As Christians, we often feel the guilt and responsibility of meeting the needs of unhealthy people in our lives. Whether a sibling, parent, spouse, coworker, or friend, toxic people frequently seek to frustrate our life’s calling. While you’re seeking first God’s kingdom, they’re seeking first to distract your focus and delay your work.
Instead of attempting the impossible task of mollifying toxic people, it’s time we dedicate energy to the only worthwhile effort, completing the work God has given us by investing in reliable people. It’s only when we learn to say no to bad patterns that we can say yes to the good work God has planned for us. This book is a great resource to that end.
Repairing a Relationship Before a Holiday Get-Together
By Carol L.
I think we had this in our e-news a year ago, but it bears repeating! There are few dilemmas that sabotage a family at the holidays than a fractious relationship held over for a year or two or more. If you want to repair a relationship in anticipation of the season, here are some pointers that may help. The most important component would be the desire to let bygones be bygones (within reason) for the sake of our faith and our loved ones.
1) Given that time has passed without another incident, you can begin by testing the waters with a short friendly email wishing the person well and extend a positive wish for the holidays. This is presuming you haven’t done something that requires an apology, in which case, an apology would be appropriate. Also, a personal call or letter would be a great idea.
2) In the outreach to the person, let them know of your good wishes and hopes for a reconciliation. What their friendship means to you adds a tender touch.
3) Keep the communication simple and wholehearted, without making excuses.
4) It is good to be brief without getting into a long explanation, making it clear that you hope for a time of enjoyment and celebration with them for the holidays.
5) If the person is not willing to reconcile at the time, let them know you are ready to talk anytime they would like.
6) Remember the best you can do is not always enough, so leaving the subject may be a good thing in the moment.
7) For long standing rifts, this method may not be great, but even a short note in an early Christmas card could bring a healing balm or at least a show of willingness to resolve any hard feelings.
And for Relationships Characterized by Toxicity…
By Lani K.
For relationships characterized by toxicity, similar pre-get-together groundwork is also a good idea.
1) A brief note beforehand that reminds that the reason both of you will be there is for the children. With that in mind, setting aside the past, for the event, will make the occasion less stressful for all involved, especially the children.
2) Wishing the other person well is always in keeping with God’s will.
3) Keep the communication brief and simple. No finger pointing or recounting the past as that will have the opposite effect.
4) You should keep your own boundaries, even if you are both at the same event. Your communication at the event with the other person should be minimal.
5) Remember the best you can do is not always enough, so leaving the subject may be a good thing in the moment.
6) If the event becomes tense and relational issues boil to the top, it would be wise to leave the event with your apologies to the hosts. If it is “your time” with your children, it will be better for them to leave early rather than witness a replay of the abuse. Keeping boundaries is always a good message.
Something to Think About
When you are leaving an abusive relationship, contrary to popular opinion:
You aren’t starting over. You’re starting from where you are at. With all that you have learned. With every experience. All the tools you have gathered during your life. For this moment. For right now. So don’t be discouraged if you feel like you are taking a step back. This time is important. It is so you can clear your mind, steady your heart, and prepare yourself for the next part of your journey.
Topher Kearby, poet, contemporary artist
Reminder about Missions Fest Seattle
Missions Fest is November 4th and 5th at Westgate Chapel in Edmonds, Washington. At Missions Fest this year, Christians from around the Puget Sound and the world gather to bring Jesus’ great message of hope to the corners of the earth!
We gather to encourage one another, discover new ministry opportunities, worship together, reconnect with colleagues, hear great seminar presentations, and unpack “Persecution, Prayer, and Courage” in our general sessions.
Missions Fest always graciously invites CCSF to share our ministry and our work and numerous resources for raising awareness about domestic violence. Please stop by our booth, #44! We have a whole load of information for you! And we’d love to talk!
Prayer
Gracious God, you created us in your image and breathed life into us. A life you want us to live abundantly. We ask you to free those living with abuse physically, mentally, or spiritually from their oppression, so that they may walk in peace and enjoy a life full of your blessings. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
©2022 Christian Coalition for Safe Families
Christian Coalition for Safe Families 