CCSF Newsletter June 2021

A good father is one of the most unsung, unpraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.
Billy Graham

Dear Friends,

This month we want to celebrate and send our gratitude to the men who really understand how much safety in relationships is needed. They add so much by teaching, counseling, and being good dads, brothers, and grandfathers in family units.

CCSF stands for family safety and has for all of our 11 years of service in the field. We know there are many men who have stepped up to the plate against an issue, domestic abuse, that has been swept under the carpet for many years. We are seeing changes and awareness in the culture at large!

We thank you again and again.

June is PTSD Awareness Month. In our July e-newsletter, we will focus on the intersection between PTSD and domestic abuse.

This month’s e-newsletter includes:

Something to Think About: Workplace Bullying

No One Ever Taught Me How To Be A Man

Myths Around Men Experiencing Abuse

Kindest regards.

Stop the Abuse, Heal the Family, Change the Future

Email: ccsf.hope@gmail.com

Website: https://www.ccsfhope.org

Facebook: www.facebook.com/ChristianCoalitionforSafeFamilies

June is Men’s Health Month! Make an appointment for a check-up with your doctor. Do it for you; do it for your family!

Something to Think About: Workplace Bullying

By Carol L.

When a coworker is harassing you and has multiple complaints, that can make a job extra challenging and difficult. What can you do? Instead of feeling hopeless and helpless, these ideas may be a starting point to resolving the situation.

1. Talk frankly to your supervisor and explain that you are being harassed and ask what they can do about it. Take the least inflammatory step first. Always have an attitude of cooperation. Respect will go a long way, and this may begin a peaceful resolution.

2. Go to HR with the support of your immediate supervisor. If their support is not possible, this step may be company policy and you should be following it.

3. Keep in touch with HR to be sure they are moving forward with action. Be sure to be polite but concerned.

4. Document, document, document. It didn’t happen if it isn’t documented.

5. Consider looking for a DV advocate, DV-informed counselor, or an abuse group to have your voice heard. You will also learn a lot about the dynamics of abuse.

6. Dignity Together has knowledgeable articles about this topic that will inform you.

7. This video from Gary Namie, founder of the Workplace Bullying Institute, is about 90 minutes long.

Namie, psychologist, teacher and consultant, is considered the originator of the workplace bullying consulting field. He serves as expert witness in bullying-related legal cases for counsel for plaintiffs and the defense, and confronts workplace bullies in their workplaces. Since 1997, the Workplace Bullying Institute has led the charge with comprehensive, evidence-based, practical solutions for individuals, unions, employers, & lawmakers.

Workplace mistreatment is considered abuse, no matter where it happens, and you have a right to have a safe place in which to be employed.

For more information, see the Workplace Bullying Institute website.

No One Ever Taught Me How To Be A Man

By Bryan Reeves at The Good Men Project

“I had been immersed in a world dominated by warped, immature expressions of masculinity. Until I neared my 40th birthday, I never realized what not having healthy masculine role models was costing me and the women I loved. One consequence of this immature masculine ethos is that we don’t learn how to step up as mature masculine men in our intimate relationships with women. No one ever taught me how to show up in my life and the lives of those around me, fully present, as a Man. I see so much of it now. My heart still breaks as I look back upon the wake of female wreckage I created in years past. Sure, they had their own growing up to do, too. Still, I see so clearly how I failed to show up for my intimate partners, over and over and over. Back then, I found myself constantly sexualizing women, ridiculing vulnerability, a win-at-all-costs/winner-take-all competitive ethos, a power-focused, anti-feminine misogynist. I’ve failed my feminine partners in countless heartbreaking ways. At 40, I’m only now discovering what this has cost me and the women I’ve tried to love for years.”

The full article is available at The Good Men Project.

Myths Around Men Experiencing Abuse

Courtesy of the National Domestic Violence Hotline

Talking about abuse and domestic violence can be a difficult task for anyone. It can be painful, confusing, and make you feel ashamed, inadequate, and isolated. And it can be incredibly challenging when you are a man because of all the stigma, fear, misinformation, and societal pressures that men seem to experience. We know that while domestic violence does not discriminate when it comes to gender, men seem to not report abuse in the same way women do. In fact, many men remain silent because they think there’s no point in reporting the abuse because no one will ever believe them.

Some of the myths about abuse and why are men not believed: The world tells us that men can’t be victims of abuse; the media tells us men are just the perpetrators of violence, but never the victims; men are not real men if they can’t take it; men don’t have access to the same resources as women.

To combat these myths, here are a few ideas to help men affected by abuse and domestic violence:

Believe victims and survivors

Document the abuse

Find a support system

Take a proactive approach to your own safety

Reach out to The Hotline for help

To read the entire article with expanded explanations about myths and how to combat them, see Myths Around Men Experiencing Abuse.